Tonight makes 6 months that I have been clean/sober. It feels like I am viewing the world through a set of rose colored glasses. I feel so positive and upbeat, everywhere I turn I see rainbows holding hidden blessings that I am about to discover. When I walk I actually feel pink clouds. I have learned to often visualize pink clouds surrounding me with rays of warmth and goodness.
Where has the time gone to 6 months. At 6 months I have a whole new routine, shower, makeup, coffee. No more laying in bed, no more self-hate. I can now look back over my shoulder and see the progress I have made. I am no longer afraid of the shadows, all the shadow men have gone permanently. I no longer think of the police all the time, being around the corner, waiting for me. “They never were!” How good it feels to say that, the extreme paranoia has dissipated.
Old habits being replaced with new ones. No longer wearing my hair down long covering my face, hiding my emotions and thoughts. It’s ironic I was so scared to get sober/clean, every day I am gaining more and more confidence. Change is not as scary as it was, the fears are easing. Change has gotten me out of the darkness and into the light. I feel like a person that has been in a cage for a long long time, in a dark tunnel and now I have been set free.
For the first time, I have become aware of a word, “self-love”. I never realized how much I hated myself. I was always so busy loving others, in my twisted own way, that I thought I did not deserve love from anyone, especially myself. I have to love myself first before I am capable of loving another. I will learn to love.
I have to learn to love. I have to love myself first before I am capable of loving another.
— Hope In Recovery (@2HopeInRecovery) September 19, 2016
Tonight I am going to both meetings, one at AA to get my 6-month coin, and one at NA to get my 6-month keytag. I can’t wait.